Unexpressed love ♥️

                      
The sweet refrain of your acoustic guitar speaks a musical language to my soul. The strumming sound hypnotically soothes my heart and I loose myself to the melody of your voice. The lyrics swims through my cerebral cortex like a wakeful dream. It flows through my veins and swirl down in my head. 

Every time I hear you sing, I feel blissful. I get lost in your voice with all that lyrics thrilling down my heart. 

Falling in love with you was never planned but our stars aligned and a great force pulled me towards you. Your glistening cerulean eyes had a power of washing away my sorrows. 
I don’t know how I started falling for all those weird little things you do. 

It feels like liquid adrenaline is injected right into my bloodstream whenever you are around. 

But, Loving you secretly is a torture, as Its painful to think that you are damaged with betrayal and wont ever let anyone come into your life. I feel helpless to see you avoiding love. But I want you to understand that I can perfectly feel you, I can feel that emptiness. I know what it's like to die within, to desperately hide it from the world behind that cheerful face. 

My love for you is the major reason why I am having these bottled up feelings. Because I know you are scared to have the same emotional fallout, again. You are scared to experience that betrayal, again and you are simply tired of putting all that effort, again.

And I am scared that If I ever express my love for you, You will walk out of my life and this feeling trembles my heart. I fear losing you. There is peace when I'm with you. I fear that maybe you won't be the same like you are now and I won't have you by my side which scares me even more. And I dont know if you will ever understand my unsaid words.

I don’t know how can I make you understand that at some point, we all are broken. Each broken differently. Each broken by different reasons. Sometimes our fragility has been compromised, we had slipped in the arms of those who promised to handle us with care. 

No matter how covered we are with shield there will always come a time that we fall out of the hands of those we entrusted ourself. And sometimes, when we fall we appeared to be unfixable. We break with the shards that sometimes nobody would dare to pick up for fear of getting their hands wounded. So they turn their back on us leaving us damaged. 

A dangerous mess on the floor that shouldn't be touched. But there will come a time when someone would be brave enough to pick up these broken pieces of ours and somehow put us back together. 

Someone who will be brave enough to restore our broken pieces together mending and refining our scars from our fall. 

Someone who will be brave enough to not try to disguise the history of our breakage but someone who will incorporate with every broken lines the mystery of beautiful ruins, much more beautiful than the original. 

Someone who will be willing to embrace the flaws and imperfections of each scar that we bear. Someone who will be willing enough to pick up each and every piece of us no matter the wound that it will cause them. 
And I want to be that “Someone” for you. 

I badly want to connect to you but despite you being near, it feels like you are too far away. Too far that you can't even notice my eyes shouting love for you. If only you would strain your ears and listen carefully, you'd hear me weeping like you do. 

If only you would squint your eyes and look in front better, you'd see that I'm just close, offering my hand to you. But you are too busy battling against that internal chaos to give heed around you.

What else can I do? For now, I can only cry silently, hope that it can also reach you so you'd understand that we're no different. And when the time comes when you will get tired of fighting alone, I'll drop my own battle just to fight alongside you. 

I just want you to let me heal you and see that I am here waiting for that heart to feel my love for you. 

I just want those hands to intertwine on mine and feel my warmth around you. I want to pour all the love that you deserve. I want you put that trust on me. I want you to believe in love again. I want to listen all these screams through my eyes. Just, let your heart sync into mine. 
                             - Aashima ✍️

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