Eternal love

                            

I woke up and find myself cold, I found myself in another world- a world of suffering. As, the numbness of sleep slowly faded from my limbs, I felt dead. I opened my eyes and gasped in a breath, but nothing came and I choked on my own dry tongue. 
There was a silence to my soul as I was falling under the frost. 

I could feel my heartbeat slowing down thinking about you. I woke up another day without you. In the space that should be filled with your love, keeping my soul aloft- there was a void so black that no light could penetrate. 

I remember how one day earlier we were talking about spending cold winter nights in a cozy bed, together and next day I could feel your cold feet on my arms. The heart that used to beat with love were still. The mind that planned so many plans and emotions were blank. 

The day when everything felt clouded and dark. The day when I felt the chills in my blood, coldness bringing the synapses of my brain to stand still. 
The day when my heart drenched by fear with everything fading into abyss. That day, I could not feel anything around me and my whole body was paralyzed. 

My eyes struggled to move as I looked at your face covered with bruises, twisting through my blended vision. It was like a dark void, a never ending void that consumed everything. The moment that I never want to recall. 

The day when we were suppose to decorate the room with birthday candles and our anniversary gifts became the day where your cold body got covered with blood and the room was prepared for your funeral. Instead of birthday candles and “happy birthday” banner, there was your photo frame with garland around with condolence message and oil lamps. 

The day when we were suppose to celebrate our anniversary together became the day where they took your body away from me chanting all those cremation mantras and burned you in the river shore. The heart that made me have life so full of love, light, hope and passion was no more beating.
The accident crashed your body and took your life away from me. Yet I find you every day, every moment I open my heart to feel. 

I often look up at the sky, hoping that you are going to look back at me, read my eyes and talk to me. Somehow, your voice would lighten me up, once again. But you are gone. My muse is up there, so is my heart. 

I try to search you between those clouds as I keep on staring blankly at the sky for hours and hours until my vision gets blurred and my heart feels heavy and then I sink into the bench. With all the strength I can summon to my rescue, I try to get up. It's been many months like this without you. 

After a while, I walk back to my room and crash into the bed. I often feel drained. Your memories always stay intact with me. Every night, I have this dream where we're together, on that same park bench and unlike how I am right now, I am full of words to share, love to give, feelings to pour.

Some days I just listen to every songs that you loved, the same songs we danced together, holding our hands and fingers intertwined. When the evenings were too breezy, when we were drunk, and when we made most of our important decisions. And now when I sit down here and I think about you, I think about all those parts of my life that are still incomplete. 

You were the best, the finest, the one I could rely on no matter what. You were my heaven, the only one who could see past my flaws to what dwelt inside. 

Though you are gone, your aura remains, beautiful and strong. I always seek you and try to preserve you. 

Sometimes, I curl up in a blanket, and listen to all those voice recordings that I have of you. I look at our pictures and recall and recall our last conversation until I can hardly breathe. 
I start to imagine about all the things that would have been different if you were here. 

If you were here now, I would have hugged you and kissed you like never before. I would have told you about how I fell for you. 

I would have told you how much I love you, and I would have re lived all those moments, again and again. To say, “I wish you were here” sounds like some corny seaside postcard, but that’s all I wish for, every day. 

The tears are always there behind my smiling lips, the longing never leaving my heart. It is a wound that can never heal no matter how much slave is poured on. But I know you are looking at me from up there and you want me to be happy and brave. 

I know, You are still inside me, safe. And I promise to keep you safe here with me. I promise to make you proud. I promise to keep our forever. 

Though, your memories haunt me, I want you to always stay near. Stay in the warm rays every day that I live and my love will come to you keeping you safe beyond those clouds. 

Our love is still young and strong that it wont break me but will mend me, mould me and keep me alive. So, here I stand between chaos and love, both of them helping to keep our love safe and sound, just like we promised since the beginning. 

I will keep our love safe, because we promised to love each other for eternity and beyond. 

Our love isn’t a throwaway emotion, it isn’t transitory, it is like a light in every dark night, shining brightly into each recess of the heart, healing and making me stronger. 

I am always yours and death could not take you away from me as You are my eternal love.

                                               -Aashima ✍️ 

            “Dedicated to my best friend”
                - In memory of Rupesh ♥️ 


Rupesh, May your departed soul rest in peace. She miss you a lot. We talk about you all the time. She still adore you just like the beginning.  I know how proud you must be feeling from up there ♥️



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