Growing old with you ♥️

We were celebrating their 65th marriage anniversary in a hospital room of oncology ward. The room was filled with devoid of sadness and anguish, the wall were simply creamy and the floor was grey in color. At the far end were windows in brown metal frames. There were stands for intravenous drips and monitors. The room had a stagnant smell. 

And there he was, laid down on that bed. His eyes were closed, matching his breaths to the beeping of the machines that surrounded the bed; the only indication of his heartbeat and his existence. His skin looked so fragile that it felt like it would ruptures on anything more than the softness of her touch. He slowly opened his eye which was not focused but randomly moving, obscured with cataracts. His hair was wispy over a scalp. Needles were pricked into his skin to deliver nutrition to his body. Morphines were rushed into his vein to give him pain-free moment with her. 

She had rest her hand on his, feeling the coldness in his fingers. Her eyes were begging and imploring to release all of his pain into her. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer after months of treatment and doctor said, there was nothing left that could help him recover. The tumor was slowly growing and spreading and squashing the very organs that work to sustain it. 

He was recommended to one of the renowned Delhi’s Cancer hospital for operation to add some more days into that hopeless life he was left with. My grandma and grandpa had never been apart, not even for a day and that night before the flight was the most difficult night for both of them. There were many sleepless nights for all of us. So, we asked her to go home and take some rest but she tightly held his hands and refused. 

For the first time in my life, I saw fear in her eyes. Fear of never seeing him again. Everyone was worried about her but at the meantime grandpa added, Let her stay tonight. 

Fighting with all those odds, she stayed with him that night. 

She had held him so tight that no force in this universe could release that. Maybe that night she got scared of letting him go. Maybe that night she got weak. Upon witnessing my grandma’s despair at that agonizing hour, I felt helpless.  

That night, I slept with tears.

My grandmom has always been fond of red color. She says, “Red saari, red tika, red bangles always enhance the beauty of a women”. She always wish to always have that red color with her.  Maybe that’s the reason she always keep him close to her heart, just like she keeps that red sindoor on her forehead. 

After a month of separation and sleepless night, He was back from Delhi. But his condition got worse. Doctor said, He was in final stage and he need palliative care now. 

We didnt let her know about the cancer being in final stage as that would break her hope. 

And we could not afford to see her hopes crashing down. But, deep inside she knew he was in pain, an unbearable pain that even high dose of morphine could not fix. 

Every day when he was pricked with multiple needles she stood besides him, reading all those religious book with a hope that, god wont take him away from her. At least not now. 

I have never seen any love purest than the love they have for each other. 

But,  the also truth was: this love is coupled with pain. When you love someone, it'd be always inevitable to get hurt. Truth is, you can't always be happy. There would always be bad times, there would be storms and hurricanes that would surely come in between.  its love that always reign above everything. 

Its the urge of keeping that person despite of their shortcomings and the will to accept them with all your heart to prevail. 

Its love that keeps their heart alive with the desire of seeing them white-haired and wrinkled. Its love that bring satisfaction in the care they provide and its the love that makes them stronger than any force in this universe. And my grandparents shared this kind of love. 

Its been a long that he is fighting with cancer and my grandma is fighting with the fate. Sometimes, it really gets hard to see him struggling through all this. I have always been his favorite grandchild and he always believes in me. 

The only thing that breaks me is, I can do nothing to ease his pain. He often ask me to save him and nothing makes me helpless than that moment. Doctors gave him 3 months deadline to this beautiful smiles but my grandma added some more with her love and hope. Its been more than 5 months and every morning I start my day with their blessings. 

Every morning I wake up with their giggles and fight. Yeah, we know that he is getting weak every next day but that never fading love of my grandma will keep him alive till eternity and beyond. I hope to see these smiles forever. I hope to see this love forever. ♥️

Let's just say love is everywhere, but a love that stays even life gets darker? Pretty soul, it's rare. 

So if you're lucky enough to find yours, keep it.

Really, keep it.

Make it last.

Today, I am typing this whilst watching my grandma reading religious book for my grandpa and laughing as my grandpa is pointing some of her pronunciation error. I don't really know the reasons behind their sudden burst of laughter but whatever it is that made them laugh like that of a five-year old kid, I certainly knew that the sparks shining through their eyes is love.

And I thought to myself, "What more can I ask when the sentient of true love is already served right before my eyes?" I admire them the most. I hope everyone in this universe get loving soul like them. Love is not just about holding hands for few days and leaving them in agony. Love is about growing old together. Love is about having that faith for each other. Love is about holding tight onto each other and, 

I feel blessed with the most loving grandparents ♥️ 

                                 -Aashima 📝